What can I do to help?

I feel like I've been everything but helpful. I almost actually went through killing myself, I made this subreddit panic and even some people leave, and I feel like absolute shit for doing it. Ozy wouldn't want me to act like this. I am a mod, not a 4 year old. I want to help make this subreddit more welcoming and happy and better. Please tell me what I can do to improve this subreddit. I promise, that I will be better and try not to let my depression get in the way. So, what can I do to help? (I'm not taking a break. I don't care. I care about all of you more than myself. I'm sorry)